


Heaven in His Eyes

by Aerys_Krystie



Category: Four Brothers (2005)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, almost canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-02-24 00:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13201557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerys_Krystie/pseuds/Aerys_Krystie
Summary: Jack wakes from his coma saying Bobby's name. The problem? He has no idea who Bobby is. Eventual Bobby/Jack.





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry to say that this fanfic will remain unfinished for some time. I'm working on releasing my first novel this year and everything has taken a backseat to that. If you wanna check it out, it's "Snow Wolf" by Auska Krystie. If you enjoy my stories here, you might enjoy that.  
> Thanks and I'm really sorry that this'll be the end of this story until probably next year.
> 
> Auska.

**~Heaven in His Eyes~**

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

**Theme:** AU — Post movie — Jack alive.

**Plot:** Jack remembers the simple life he had with the Mercers’ as he’s in a coma.

**Warnings:** Language, slash, OOC.

**Pairings:** Bobby/Jack, sorta.

**Disclaimer:** Everything of and referring to Four Brothers is not mine. This is a fan-made, non-profit story. Please support the official release.

 

* * *

Unsure why the memory came back to him, Jack focused on in it. He remembered when he was thirteen and feeling more confident in the Mercer household that he ran down the stairs one morning. He heard Evelyn chide him softly about running in the house, just as she did with Angel. Unlike Angel, Jack was far lighter on his feet and could often get away with the running.

He remembered how he turned down the hallway and saw someone standing in the way, spinning to the side to avoid crashing into them and continuing on his way to the kitchen. He heard the other ‘hm’ in thought, before he was followed. He grabbed the plate of waffles covered with strawberry syrup. For some reason, he was the only one in the house that had strawberry syrup for waffles and pancakes. His brothers preferred maple or chocolate.

As he moved to the table in the kitchen, Evelyn had cleared her throat and pointed to the dining room. Jack remembered pouting at her, but moved through to the dining room. He looked up and his eyes brightened and danced when he saw Bobby in his chair. He sat down, his excitement making it impossible to eat much of his breakfast, especially as he chatted with Evelyn about some of the kids from school wanting to hit up the ice rink, mostly just to skate around.

“Why don’t you go with him, Bobby?” Evelyn had suggested and Jack remembered the feeling of crushing disappointment. Even after living with her for two years, she didn’t trust him enough to go somewhere alone.

The last thing Jack wanted was to take the Michigan Mauler to an ice rink during the off-season. He didn’t need any of his friends ending up in the hospital because Bobby couldn’t tell the difference between kids and adults. He wasn’t entirely sure if that was going to happen, but it wasn’t something he wanted to risk happening. Clearly, Evelyn either hadn’t thought of that or she did and figured Bobby could keep his bloodlust under control.

He remembered the way Bobby had shrugged, as though he had better things to do that day than hang around a bunch of middle-school kids. However, the look that Evelyn shot him made him straighten and grin at Jack, telling him to get his shit together as they were leaving in ten minutes. Jack had blinked and then looked at Evelyn. She smiled warmly and said that Bobby was very passionate about hockey and wanted to spend as much time as he could on the ice.

Jack had left his barely touched breakfast and run upstairs, grabbing his skates and hockey stick. He was about to leave his room, but grabbed his hoodie and ran downstairs, just as Bobby opened the front door. Apparently, ‘ten minutes’ meant ‘as soon as he finished his coffee.’ The drive to the indoor rink was done in silence, as Jack had no idea what to say to his brother. As they got there, Jack grinned and waved to his friends. The smile fell from his face when he noticed that he was with Bobby.

As much as Jack adored Bobby, he knew that his friends were deathly afraid of him. There was something about his brother that seemed to terrify everyone he came into contact with. He saw the way his friends glanced at their sticks and quickly got out of the car. He ran up to them, saying that Bobby wouldn’t be joining them. He couldn’t allow his brother to have free reign to wail on a bunch of kids. That seemed to put them at ease, until Bobby slipped out of the car, carrying his own skates and stick.

Jack remembered wanting to plead with Bobby, begging him not to join the game. However, he knew that Mercers didn’t beg, plead or beseech. He also knew that he had no say in what Bobby did or didn’t do. If his brother wanted to join the game, he would. If he wanted to send a dozen teenagers to the emergency room with concussions and possible fractured limbs, he would. Jack had lowered his eyes and apologized to his friends. To his surprise, two of them seemed excited at the idea of playing with Bobby. Jack learned that day what ‘sadomasochism’ was, as the two seemed to really enjoy Bobby shoving them down and causing pain.

Once their teams were picked, Jack automatically on Bobby’s so he could keep an eye on him, the game began. Jack thought of when Bobby had taught him to skate. He’d been unstable and fall more times than he could actually count at the time. He’d expected Bobby to laugh and taunt him, but his brother just kept telling to get up and do it again, until the words were burned into his mind. Every time he fell, regardless on if it was on the ice or not, he would hear Bobby’s voice telling him to get up.

The game went…decently. Bobby took too much pleasure in shoving, tripping and shouldering the kids out of his way. Jack remembered the way Bobby watched as he turned on the spot, was able to skate backward and didn’t fall on his ass with pride. It warmed Jack’s heart to know that Bobby was proud of him. That was until he was shoved into the flexi-glass and felt the wind leave him as his sternum was crushed.

He fell to the ice, struggling to breathe, while he saw Bobby punching out the two kids that had ‘attacked’ him. The next thing he remembered was Bobby on his knees, holding his head. “Breathe, Jack. Ya gotta fuckin’ breathe, Jackie!”

And he fought to do so. He knew he couldn’t ignore an order from Bobby, as that would mean he would get his ass kicked. He remembered the pure relief that crossed Bobby’s face as he managed to suck in a lungful of air. He was helped to his feet by his brother and looked at the two that had shoved him, seeing that they were unconscious on the ice. He glanced at Bobby, silently asking if that was necessary. There could’ve been better ways to handle that.

“ _No one_ shoves a Mercer against the glass. The fuckers should be grateful I didn’t beat the shit outta them.” Bobby tenderly let go of Jack to see if he could stand on his own. When he saw that he could, he indicated towards the rink exit with his head. Jack nodded and said he’d see the others in school on Monday.

They never spoke to Jack Mercer again. Somehow, Jack knew that being a Mercer would mean being alone in a crowd.

* * *

The day he arrived at the Mercer house would be something he’d never forget. He was a scrawny, pasty kid that had clung to the back of Evelyn’s shirt as she took him into the house. He wasn’t sure why he felt an attachment to her so easily. He never got it with anyone else, but there was something warm and motherly about her, especially when she told him that he would be safe and that his brothers would never allow anyone to hurt him, ever again. He wanted to believe those words with everything in him, but he’d been around enough to know that it rarely worked that way.

He figured it had something to do with the fact that he had spent the day with her, behind closed doors. She didn’t yell at him or raise her hand. In fact, she never touched him. The most she would do would be wave her hands as she spoke about something, but she always kept her distance from him as she did that. He remembered looking up at her for the first time and saw that her eyes were blue and warm. She didn’t seem scary or mean and as much as Jack didn’t want to let his guard down, she was kinder to him than the previous ‘parents’ had been. She didn’t talk down to him and asked him questions about what he liked. He remembered wishing he could have answered those questions.

Still, he held onto the back of her shirt, wanting to remain hidden from the others. He could hear them in the house as she opened the door that evening. She stood in the living room entrance and watched as her sons wrestled each other, the oldest easily throwing his brothers off of him and around the room. They were laughing almost maniacally.

Jack remembered the way he froze as he watched the trio. He couldn’t believe that they were brothers with the way they were fighting. At the time, he didn’t know the difference between fighting and roughhousing. He had no idea how this woman could protect him from them. However, he remembered the pure shock that filled him when she cleared her throat. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t change her stance. She just politely cleared her throat and instantly, the trio stopped what they were doing.

The white one grinned and stepped up to her, hugging her tightly as she chuckled warmly. “Oh, it’s good to have you home again, Bobby. You plannin’ on stickin’ around this time?”

“Thinkin’ ’bout it, Ma,” Bobby said as he stepped back and noticed the kid behind her. “And who are you, squirt?”

Jack remembered just staring at him, eyes wide and mouth parted slightly. The one known as Bobby looked as though he didn’t listen to anyone. How did Ms. Mercer have so much control over the three of them? What did she do in order to keep them in line? His eyes flickered to the other two. One of them didn’t look like he’d cause much trouble, but the younger one had a mischievous gleam in his eyes as Evelyn stared at him.

Upon hearing Bobby’s question, the other stepped forward and looked down at him. Jack remembered freezing as they stared at him. Evelyn must’ve felt the way his hand tightened on her shirt, as she simply told the three of them to back up and give him some space. She didn’t shout at them, but all three took several steps back and Jack relaxed. He remembered her warm hand reaching back and resting on his shoulder as she gently coaxed him to stand in front of her.

“Boys, I want you to meet Jack,” she had said proudly. “Jack, these are your new brothers. Bobby, Jeremiah and Angel,” she murmured as she pointed them out.

“Hey, Jack,” Jeremiah said as he stepped forward and held his hand out. His eyes widened as Jack jumped and tried to pass through Evelyn. He quickly dropped his hand. “I’m sorry, man. I’m Jerry.”

The other two took Jerry’s lead and introduced themselves. Jack just nodded at them. Evelyn had asked Jeremiah to show Jack to his room, while she got started on dinner. Jack remembered the way he looked up at her, pleading with her not to leave him alone with them. She had simply smiled warmly and told him that they were just like her, except that they were her sons.

“Please,” he had whispered and he heard one of them scoff behind him.

“Mercers’ don’t beg or plead, ya little fairy,” Bobby had stated firmly and stepped up to him.

Jack flinched as his hand came up. He expected to be hit, but all that happened as the hand resting gently on the nape of his neck. Bobby crouched down and whispered into his ear.

“You don’t have to be scared anymore. Ya got us to fight off the monsters, now.”

He remembered the way Bobby’s thumb had massaged his neck and the softness to his eyes as he stared at him. He had looked at Jeremiah. He had the same tenderness in his eyes, as did Angel. He nodded stiffly and remembered how much he missed that hand on his neck when Bobby stood up. Evelyn had handed his bag to Jeremiah and he followed the older boy up to his bedroom, thinking that for once, he didn’t have to be scared.

* * *

When he was fifteen, Jack remembered coming home from school. He’d gotten into another fight and he knew that Evelyn would be mighty disappointed with him. Jack couldn’t explain why he was so angry, but he just needed to hit something or someone. He’d stupidly taken on a senior that had insulted his brothers, which made Jack see red. He refused to let anyone say anything bad about the Mercer family. He knew they weren’t perfect, but they were _his_ family.

He had simply tapped the guy on the shoulder. When he turned around, he swung and sent the bastard crashing down to the floor. He was jumped three football players. He had felt a spark of cold pride when he managed to kick out one of their knees. The kid had howled his pain and stumbled back, falling down and holding the joint. Jack wondered how he was going to play with that. The beat down on him had stopped after that and he managed to get to his feet and stumble off before a teacher could send him to the principal’s office and have him suspended again.

His body was already littered with bruises and Jack had no idea why he continued to add to them. He remembered sitting in his classes, praying that the day would never end. Of course, he had no idea what awaited him when he got home. As he shambled through the door, kicking off his shoes and taking a moment to draw in as much as possible before he tackled the stairs, he saw a silhouette from his peripheral and turned around. His eyes widened and he stepped back, tripping over his shoes and crashing into the coats that were handing up.

Bobby had simply laughed at him, wanting to know how he could be so graceful on the ice, but be a complete klutz with walking. Jack had scrambled to his feet and moved to the stairs as Bobby reached out to help him up. When he thought about it, he was certain he saw hurt flash through Bobby’s eyes, but he said nothing as he asked Jack if he wanted something to drink. Jack was certain he mumbled something about homework and went up to his bedroom, closing the door.

He had lied on his bed and focused on breathing normally. It had hurt too much to sit up in fear when his bedroom door swung open. He remembered Bobby asking permission to enter and Jack knew he wouldn’t go away, so he nodded and beckoned him into the room. He sat up slowly when he heard a bag and saw that Bobby had the witch hazel. His eyes widened as he tried to figure out how Bobby knew he was bruised. He completely forgot about his knuckles, which were on full display.

Jack blinked as Bobby worked the witch hazel into his knuckles, asking him who he was fighting this time. He had shrugged and muttered something about the senior that had talked trash about his family. Bobby said nothing else, focusing on the task. When he was done, he absently kissed Jack’s knuckles. Jack assumed Bobby had picked up the habit from Evelyn, as she always kissed their injuries. However, unlike the motherly feeling he got when Evelyn did it, Jack wasn’t sure what he was feeling when Bobby did it.

Before he could say anything, Bobby handed him the cotton balls and the witch hazel, telling him to do the bruises on his torso and left the room, closing the door. Jack looked down and saw that his shirt was askew, revealing a bruise on his clavicle. He did as Bobby ordered and returned the cotton balls and witch hazel to the first aid kit in the kitchen. He joined Bobby in the living room, watching some comedy show. As he went to ask Bobby not to tell Evelyn, Bobby said that he’d never tell Ma about someone defending the Mercer honor. Bobby had glanced at him and smirked.

* * *

Without meaning to, the memory of his ‘first kiss’ came to mind. It had happened the following week, as he got into another fight. That time it was the senior getting his revenge on Jack. He managed to bust Jack’s lip and bruise his cheek. Jack put up a decent fight, thinking of all the ways Bobby taught him. He slammed the heel of his palm into the senior’s sternum, which had him stumbling back and gasping for air. Jack remembered tilting his head, staring at him blankly. He went to the nearest bathroom and cleaned up the blood on his face from the split lip.

As expected, when he got home, Bobby was there and just shook his head. For some reason, Bobby seemed disappointed in him and Jack found that just as unbearable as when Evelyn was disappointed in him. He went to run to his room, but Bobby sighed and grabbed his arm, dragging him into the kitchen. Jack knew he should have been curious about why the first aid box was already out. He sat down and watched as Bobby gently dabbed the iodine onto his lip.

Jack had known that it was second nature to Bobby, but he leaned forward and kissed the cut. Jack ignored the pain and pressed his lips back to Bobby’s, which made the oldest Mercer pull back. His eyes had been wide and unreadable, before he packed away the iodine and told Jack to work the witch hazel into the bruises on his face. He had left the kitchen and refused to look at Jack at all during the night. The next morning, all of Bobby’s possessions were gone and he didn’t see his brother for another six years, until Mom’s death brought them together once more. 

* * *

 

Pain and beeping was all he could feel and hear. His eyes wanted to open, but something was preventing it. He apparently had no control over his body, but he could feel his eyebrows frowning. He could feel his fingers twitching. He could make out the light of the room he was in. He tried moving his right hand and choked on a cry as agony bolted through his body. His throat throbbed from the sudden use.

There was shouting. Someone was saying that someone was awake. He tried to recoil as his lids were forced open and the brightness of the room hit his retina for the first time in a while. He turned his head away, his lips moving in the one word that always made its way there, he knew it did somehow. He rasped, trying to get some sound out of his damn mouth. Whoever was standing beside him said something to another person.

The strain of everything happening around him made him black out again. The last thought running through his head was: Bobby! _Who’s Bobby?_

* * *

 


	2. Chapter II

**~Heaven in His Eyes~**

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

* * *

Jeremiah had been the one to tell him that Jack’s brain activity had picked up in the last few days and that he was attempting to move his limbs. However, it seemed that some part of him was still locked away in the coma as he had yet to open his eyes. The spark of hope he felt died abruptly when he heard that Jack still hadn’t opened his eyes. What was he meant to do? How could any of them bring their little brother back from what was meant to be certain death?

The paramedics had almost declared Jack dead on the scene, but he coughed up more blood and his eyes opened. At first, everyone just kind of stared at him; none believing what they were seeing and hearing. It didn’t take the paramedics long to begin compressions and take him away. Bobby wanted to go with him, just to make sure nothing bad happened to him again. Unfortunately, the police were there as well and he knew they needed to answer the questions.

The next day, they got the news that Jack had slipped into a coma. Bobby knew that wasn’t a good thing, despite Jack still being alive. He focused on what was currently happening around him, such as the deal with Victor Sweet. He was itching for the chance to kick the shit out of that man and he did. After the hell Victor put him and his family through, Bobby felt he’d gone easy on him. He should have taken him to some remote shack in the middle of nowhere and left him to bleed out, which would call out the animals drawn to blood and they would eat him alive.

After getting the shit beaten out of him by the cops, Bobby lost himself in the repairs of the house. When Jack woke up, he would need to come back to a restored home. He kept an eye on the kids playing street hockey, knowing how rough they could get, if his days of playing in front of the Mercer house were anything to go by. These kids seemed a lot less violent than him, but it made him feel…something as he watched them. Maybe it reminded him of the simple times in life, before his mother and baby brother were taken from him. Maybe it was because hockey was the one thing that really brought his family together, before it was fractured.

He was working on the bricks when Jeremiah told him about the increased brain activity. It had taken six weeks for that to happen. Now, it appeared that Jack might not wake up, again. He had yet to see his brother at the hospital, not wanting to be reminded of his failure as a brother. He could almost hear Ma’s voice scolding him and telling him that he hadn’t failed, as Jackie was still alive. No. He might be alive, but he sure as fuck wasn’t _living_ and that was a failure of him as a big brother.

Every night he would sit in Ma’s room, his back to the bed as he used to do when he was younger and just talk to her. She rarely said anything and would just listen to his troubles, as a teen and as a young adult. Bobby never really sought her out for advice, but just for a non-judgmental presence that he could talk to. She was the only one that knew _everything_ about him. She knew what he’d done for his brothers in the past and what he would do for them in the future. She knew he carried the heavy burden of being the punisher in the house, as she couldn’t bring herself to raise a hand or her voice against her boys in anger.

Without her calming presence in the house, the boys were explosive. Without Jack’s calming presence in the house, the boys were a little less explosive, mostly because of the guilt that clung to them. All of them felt the guilt and shame of not being able to help Jack. Angel and Jeremiah knew that Bobby felt it worse, as he would with any of them, but Jack was _the_ little brother; the one that had to be protected by his big brothers, even though he really didn’t need it. None of them had done their job that day, but it was Bobby’s responsibility to know where his brothers were at all times.

As he walked around the house at night, Bobby would often hear Angel talking to Sofi about the earlier days of when Jack arrived. He would laugh; the sound bittersweet as he recalled the way Jack had been such a scared little kid when he was brought home. “And still, Bobby always knew what to say to him to make him feel better.” Not anymore, Bobby would think sullenly and move on downstairs.

He looked around at the bullet holes in the walls. Their first priority had been to fix all the windows and walls. Thankfully, only the living room needed fixing up. The police had taken all the spent bullets from the walls and they had slapped plaster over them, which looked out of place against the warm colors of the walls. He didn’t want to change anything in the house, but the sofa and TV had been replaced. Jerry had demanded that they get a sofa that had a bed, in case Jack was unable to tackle the stairs immediately.

Bobby sat on the sofa, tilting his head back. Jerry was working hard to get his dream up and running again, without Sweet there to shut him down. Bobby was looking forward to that. True to his word, Jerry said that he and Angel had jobs waiting for them once the repairs on the house were done. However, when Jack got back, someone would need to be with him. It didn’t surprise him when Angel and Jeremiah told him that he should be the one to help Jack.

Clearly, they forgot what happened the last time he attempted to help Jack. His body took four bullets! How could they think he was fit enough to watch bacon, let alone their recovering brother? Ma had only been dead for a little over a week and already he was sending her company. Keeping his brothers safe was always the first priority for him, but he’d failed so badly already.

Sighing, Bobby stood up and left the house. He needed to blow off some steam. As he was down the street, he didn’t hear the phone ringing. It was left to Angel to answer and be told that Jack had opened his eyes, but that there was a problem. Angel didn’t remember much else of the conversation once he learned what the problem was. He just remembered breathing ‘oh fuck’ and then hanging up. That was going to _kill_ Bobby.

* * *

Angel took to avoiding Bobby, which made the oldest Mercer raise an eyebrow. Somehow, every time he wanted to get Angel alone, someone would show up and the conversation would change. Bobby just needed to know what he’d done to piss off or hurt Angel to the point that he refused to be alone in the same room as him. His little brother thought he was good at hiding his emotions, by keeping that blank face, but they always seemed to forget that Bobby had taught them how to shield their emotions.

The only one that hadn’t bothered to hide what he was feeling was Jack. All three of them knew he was going to be nothing like them. He was the musician, the feeler and the poet of the family. That didn’t mean he couldn’t deal out a mean punch, as Jerry found out when he threatened Jack to destroy one of his vinyls. That was the first time Jack ever got physical with them. Jack definitely preferred to use his words, as he was sly with them and could twist just about anything around to benefit him and leave his arguer feeling like a complete moron.

Jeremiah tended to hide his true feelings behind the façade of thought. If someone pissed him off, his eyes would go soft, as though he was thinking about something. If someone hurt him, his eyes would go soft and he’d pretend to be thinking about something. He tried not to get physical, preferring to keep his attacks as stealth based as possible. He was just as underhanded as Bobby, but Bobby sometimes didn’t see the revenge coming. He soon learned to look for the signs.

Angel had been the most difficult for Bobby to work with. He hadn’t been like Jeremiah, who was already hiding his true emotions. Angel seemed to forget that when he was brought to Mercer house, he was just as emotional as Jack was. That was the first time that Bobby had to work with someone like that. Angel preferred to keep to himself for days on end, until he felt comfortable around his new brothers. Under Bobby’s watchful eye, he quickly learned to hide his emotions, but he would always be surprised whenever Bobby knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling.

Thanks to Angel, Bobby knew how to handle Jack. He knew that he had to be gentler in his approach and far more so than he had been with Angel. Unlike Jack, Angel had expressed his anger of what happened to him in the past, while Jack kept it all inside. Angel was a lot like Bobby in that sense, except his anger was quieter and a lot colder. Angel, Jeremiah and Jack knew that if Bobby was angry and quiet that it was a nuclear explosion about to happen. Angel and Jeremiah would duck for cover, while Jack tried to keep Bobby calm.

Oddly enough, as Angel and Jerry watched the two of them, they noticed that regardless of how angry Bobby was, he _never_ raised his hand to Jack. They knew that if they were in the room, the fists would be flying and Bobby in a blind rage meant nothing was off-limits. If death occurred, it occurred. There was only twice that the blind rage had happened and the three others knew what set him off only once. The second time was a mystery to them and was the only time Bobby had touched Jack, shoving him away. It took all three of them to physically restrain him, which was no easy feat. Bobby had thrown them off him like they petals.

So Bobby decided to use his brain for once. He phoned Jeremiah. “Why’s Angel avoidin’ me?”

Jeremiah sighed, but didn’t speak for a long while. Bobby closed his eyes, expecting to hear the news that Jack had died while in the coma. That didn’t make sense, though. Angel would’ve told him something that important, regardless of how Bobby reacted to it. They knew he needed to know about Jack’s state and if he died, he needed to see his baby brother one more time.

“There’s a small…complication with Jack,” Jerry finally said and Bobby lowered the phone for a moment, composing himself. “He’s awake, but…”

“But _what_ , Jerry?” Bobby demanded, feeling his anger spiking at his brother’s dithering. It would just be faster for them to tell him.

“He doesn’t remember anythin’, man.”

Bobby felt the world slowing and stopping around as those words sank in. “Wait, anythin’ as in the shootout or anythin’ as in…everythin’?”

Jerry exhaled shakily. “As in everythin’. The doctors are workin’ with him, but all he seems to remember is that his name’s Jack Mercer. He don’t know how he got in the hospital and…”

Bobby growled as Jerry trailed off again. “Stop doin’ that, Jerry! Just fuckin’ tell me what’s goin’ on!”

“He woke up sayin’ ya name, man. When he was asked about who Bobby was, he said he didn’t know. They said our names and he’d never heard of us, man. We’re complete strangers to him.”

Bobby was about to say something stupid, until he noticed something in Jeremiah’s voice. He was lying. He honestly had no idea why his brothers thought they could get away with that. Hell, he was the one that taught them how to lie convincingly, mostly because it was a skill all of them would need as Mercers. He sighed and tried to figure out which part his brother was lying about and decided it was all a lie, just to be safe.

“Wanna try not bullshittin’ me this time?”

Jeremiah exhaled sharply. “I’ll be around for dinner. Until then, stay away from Angel. I don’t need you to punch me out again.”

“It wouldn’t happen if ya didn’t fuckin’ lie to me, Jerry! Just tell me now or I’ll show up at work and cause such a scene that’ll have everyone questionin’ not only ya sexuality, but ya fuckin’ sanity too!” Bobby smirked coldly when he heard Jeremiah flinch over the phone.

“ _You_ are the only one he don’t remember,” Jeremiah finally said and Bobby’s eyes widened.

Bobby thanked Jeremiah for telling him and hung up, staring at nothing and unsure of where he was. Somehow, he made his way into Ma’s room and stayed there for the next two days. He couldn’t bring himself to believe that Jack had forgotten him. He’d done everything he could to help and protect that little fairy and _that_ was the thanks he got for saving him?

All he could hear every time he tried to sleep was Jack screaming his name, begging for him to help him, pleading for him to save him. He eventually got there. Jack was alive, though. He was finally living again and that was all that Bobby ever wanted. He prayed for Jack to open his eyes and be the same as he was. He just wanted Jack back home, where he could keep an eye on him and protect him. However, if Jack didn’t know him from a bar of soap, how was he going to achieve that?

On the third day, Bobby left the bedroom and showered. He dressed in his usual attire of a sweatshirt and jeans and headed to the hospital. He parked and stared at the building. That was the first time he would be visiting Jack. He got out of the car slowly, not taking his eyes off the building. It filled him with dread, knowing that Jack wouldn’t recognize him. He wanted to know what he’d done that would make Jack want to forget him.

He found out what room he was in and headed for it. He wasn’t surprised when he was stopped by a doctor that wanted to ask him a few questions. Bobby barely paid any attention to him, looking through the window and watching as Jack laughed and smiled with Angel and Sofi. He remembered _La Vida Loca_ but not his own brother? That stung more than knowing he wasn’t remembered. He’d been in Jack’s life longer and made a far bigger impact than she had.

As he watched his brother, Jack suddenly looked at him and tilted his head. He turned back to Angel and asked something. Angel nodded, taking a drink of water, which was spat out as Jack something. After he’d finished coughing, Angel got an incredulous expression on his face as he looked at Bobby and then back to Jack. Bobby didn’t have to be in the room to hear what Angel was saying. It was clear that Jack said something that took him by surprise and he wanted to make sure Jack knew what he was saying.

“I’ve been told that you’re aware he doesn’t remember you?” the doctor asked for clarification and Bobby glanced at him, nodding. “We aren’t sure how strong his mind is, so we ask that you don’t strain it for him.”

Bobby nodded again and the doctor stood to the side. He suddenly realized why Angel had been avoiding him. It seemed obvious that he’d been visiting Jack and trying to jog his memory. He wondered suddenly if there was any point to him being there. If Jack didn’t remember him with all the stories that Angel told him, how could he expect his presence to do anything aside from make him uneasy?

Before he could turn to walk away, Angel ran to the door. If he could read his brothers so easily, he knew they could read him just as well. “Bobby, he wants to meet ya, man.”

Bobby shook his head, refusing to look at Jack. He could feel his baby brother’s eyes on him, pleading for him to enter the room so they could get the mess straightened out. He didn’t want to know why Jack forgot him. He didn’t want to see the blank gaze as Bobby brought up memories that Jack probably didn’t have. He mumbled something to Angel about it being too soon for him to see his failure and left.

Waiting by the elevator bank, Bobby rolled his eyes as Angel’s hand landed on his shoulder. He spun around and punched his brother. Angel rubbed his jaw and stood up, swaying slightly. He shook his head, glared at Bobby and followed him into the lift. Before he could lay into him about being a coward, two nurses got in after them. So, Bobby figured he’d gotten out of a lecture, but Angel seemed to have other ideas.

“He’s ya fuckin’ brother, man!” Angel hissed as they stood behind the nurses.

“And he don’t fuckin’ remember me, either. Why would I wanna sit in a room with someone who don’t know me and talk about shit he don’t remember?” Bobby shook his head and ignored the way the nurses glanced back at them uneasily. “I failed him, Angel.”

“You _didn’t_ fail him, bro.” Angel sighed and ran his hands over his head. “You saved him, Bobby. You know that he can’t deny any order from ya, so he made sure he breathed. Ya can’t ask for anythin’ better than that, man.”

“I can, actually,” Bobby stated and punched the side of the elevator. He still ignored the nurses that jumped at the bang. “I can ask that the little fairy fuckin’ remembers me!”

“Sir, are you—?”

“Don’t touch me,” Bobby warned and the nurse raised an eyebrow and grabbed his wrist. He growled and pulled it back. She seemed to finally get the message and nodded, trying to stand as far as possible from him. “I tried talkin’ to Ma about failin’ her…”

“Bobby, man, ya gotta stop seein’ it as a failure! He’s _alive_ and he’s _awake_ now! And he thinks he’s done somethin’ wrong because you won’t see him!”

With a sigh, Bobby finally looked at Angel and saw that his face was carefully guarded. “What did he say that had ya spittin’ ya drink out, man?” He smirked when Angel’s widened and he looked down.

“He…Ah…He was a little disappointed that y’all are brothers. I told him it don’t matter because we’re adopted, but he didn’t seem happy with that.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow, trying to understand what Angel was saying. His eyes finally widened and he actually felt a _blush_ creeping onto his face. He cleared his throat and looked down, placing a hand over his face as he tried to calm down. He never thought that his baby brother would think that way of him. However, he was grateful that he could blame the amnesia. Without a doubt, if Jack remembered their relationship, he wouldn’t be disappointed in knowing he couldn’t fuck his brother.

“If I agree to see him, will ya get off my fuckin’ back about it?”

“That’s all we want, man. The docs say that if he spends time with ya, his memory might come back. And ain’t that what ya want?”

Bobby nodded as the elevator doors opened. He frowned as he realized there were more than just the two nurses in the compartment and wondered how many had heard about his little brother finding him attractive. He watched as the numbers climbed up again and glanced at Angel. He wanted him to stay in the room with them, as he wasn’t sure how Jack would handle being alone in the room with him.

Just as he was about to bring it up, Angel said that he needed to get Sofi back as it was her brother’s birthday. Bobby just nodded, figuring something would’ve come up to leave him alone with Jack, because clearly he hadn’t been punished enough by whatever deity he’d pissed off. He stepped out of the elevator with Angel and made his way back to the room

As soon as the door opened, Jack’s face went from excitement to confusion to shyness in a matter of seconds. It was actually quite interesting. When Bobby walked in, the shyness took over and he lowered his head, reminding Bobby of the scared eleven year old that came to live with them. He’d known Jack for nearly half of his life and it still stung that he wasn’t remembered.

Angel and Sofi left, saying they’d be around tomorrow to see him and Bobby stood at the foot of the bed, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He had absolutely no idea how to start off a conversation with Jack, especially as he was expecting him to have his memory. Jack didn’t seem too keen on talking to him, either, as he stared at the blanket and idly plucked at a thread.

“So, ya disappointed I’m ya brother, huh?”

Jack’s head ducked even more and Bobby smirked as he saw the flush on his pale skin. “I asked Angel not tell you that. I know you already hate me for not remembering you…I didn’t wanna give you another reason to hate me.”

Bobby sighed and pulled his hands out of his pockets, the smirk dropping from his face. “I don’t hate ya, Jackie. I’m worried about why it’s only me that ya forgot. What do you see when ya think of how you learned to skate?”

Jack looked up and stared at Bobby, the blush dying off. “I learned to skate?”

Bobby frowned, but nodded slowly, before he began pacing by the foot of the bed. He wondered, for a brief moment, how frustrating it must be for Jack to know he had three brothers, but only remembered two. “Do you remember when ya first arrived home?”

Jack flinched and nodded. Bobby paused when he saw tears in his eyes. “I remember your voice telling me that you’ll fight off the monsters, but I don’t remember you _ever_ being there. Every time I think about it, I only seen Angel and Jerry in the living room, wrestling. Then out of nowhere, your voice appears in my ear. I didn’t know who it belonged to, until I heard you speak.”

He slumped back on the pillows and Bobby wondered if he should leave. Jack looked exhausted. He watched as his baby brother gritted his teeth and sat up, moving his right shoulder. He had no idea what condition the wounds were in, as that hadn’t been the most important thing to him. Knowing his brother had amnesia seemed to drive everything else from his mind.

“I remember everything in my life, except when it’s just you and me, apparently. Or if the others come in, you’re not there or you’re replaced with Angel or Jerry.” Jack sighed and lowered his eyes. “I woke up saying your name, but I have no idea who the fuck you are.”

“I ain’t gonna force ya to remember me, Jackie. Do ya remember my voice sayin’ anythin’ else?”

Jack looked up with a slight frown, but nodded slowly. “Yeah…You wanted me to breathe, but it wasn’t during the shootout at home.”

“Pickup game when you were thirteen. Some fucks pushed ya into the glass, which knocked the wind outta ya.” Bobby shrugged, grateful that Jack at least remembered _something_ about him. “You don’t need to force it, Jack. You did go through a very traumatic experience.” He headed for the door.

“Bobby,” Jack called and Bobby stopped, turning back to him. “You said somethin’ else to me, the day I came home. What was it?”

Bobby smirked and went up to Jack. “Mercers don’t beg, ya little fairy.” He placed his hand on the nape of Jack’s neck, seeing a spark of familiarity in his blue eyes. “You don’t have to be scared, anymore,” he whispered to Jack and massaged his neck with his thumb. “Ya got us to fight off the monsters, now.”

Jack lowered his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I remember you sayin’ that so clearly! Why can’t I see you sayin’ it?” He pulled back and wiped his eyes, glaring at the wall in front of him.

“I don’t know, Jackie. I wish I did.” Bobby ruffled his hair. “You know I love ya, right?”

Jack’s head snapped to him and he forced a smile. Bobby was taken back to the day of the funeral and pulled back, heading for the door. When Jack didn’t call for him, he left and went back home. It didn’t hurt any less, but he did check his knuckles. They were a little bruised, but he’d done worse to them. He placed a pack of frozen peas on them as he stared into the dining room, wondering what he was going to do about Jack.

He grew frustrated when he realized there really wasn’t anything he could do. He supposed he could show Jack the photographs that Ma had taken of them as they were growing up, but all that’d do would upset Jack. Bobby sighed and threw the peas back into the freezer, glaring at the counter. Why would his mind single out one person to forget, but remember everything he said? He would never understand how the mind worked and it seemed that the doctors weren’t too sure about it, either.

Bobby lowered his eyes, realizing just how much it stung that Jack didn’t remember him. He’d done everything he could think of keep Jack safe while he was growing up with them. He even taught him how to defend himself against the bullies of the school. Bobby would be damned if someone took out a Mercer. He also remembered the way he’d run off when Jack—

Shaking his head violently, Bobby sat down and refused to think about it. He still couldn’t believe that he’d just leaned forward and kissed his baby brother. He hadn’t even thought about it. He was so used to kissing the cuts, scrapes and bruises of his brothers that it became second nature, especially since Ma had to do it so often with him. He sighed softly, forgetting about that day. He needed to focus on a way to get Jack to remember him that didn’t involve just showing up there, every day and hoping for the best.

_The strongest demon in Hell is called Hope_ , Ma had said once and Bobby couldn’t agree more.

* * *

He remembered when the nightmares seemed to be physical, as he would fall out of his bed, too scared and dazed to move. Once he realized what had happened, Jack would slowly get to his feet and look around the room that had slowly become familiar to him over the last few months. That particular nightmare had been one that he’d never experienced before, but that wasn’t what had him wincing in pain. He managed to sprain his left wrist from the fall.

Unsure of what to do, Jack remembered that he didn’t tell anyone about it, figuring they wouldn’t believe him. He had worn long sleeved shirts and jackets to hide the swelling and slight bruising, refusing to meet anyone’s eye as they questioned him about his attire. He figured that the following night they would have steak and salad for dinner. Even in the Mercer home he couldn’t catch a break when he just wanted to nurse an injury. He had stared down at his plate, the hunger unbearable.

Bobby had stared at him as he picked at the salad, asking if he was a vegetarian as he ate the salad. Jack shook his head and Evelyn had told him to eat the steak to get some iron and protein. Jack just shook his head again and pushed the plate away, saying he wasn’t hungry. He gazed down the tabletop, running a finger along the grain of the wood and ignoring the way everyone looked at him. Evelyn had told everyone to go back to their meals and that Bobby and Jack could do the dishes that night.

Jack had wanted to run away after dinner, unsure how they would react to him hurting himself. He didn’t want them to think he did it on purpose to make them look bad. However, instead of doing the dishes, Bobby had sat Jack on a chair in the kitchen and crouched down in front of him. He remembered the way he tried to shy away from Bobby’s probing eyes. He had no idea how his oldest brother made him feel that way, considering he didn’t say or do anything. Evelyn had the same effect on him.

Bobby had stood and gone to the fridge. He returned with a dish towel wrapped around ice and placed it on Jack’s wrist. “How’d ya manage that, ya little fairy?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Jack had protested quietly. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Whoa, calm down, all right? I didn’t say you did it on purpose. I wanna know how it happened,” Bobby said and Jack pulled back a little.

“I…fell out of bed,” he had whispered and kept his eyes down as Bobby laughed. “It felt like he grabbed me.”

Bobby fell silent instantly, regarding Jack seriously. “Nightmare?” he asked and placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder, close to his neck when the child nodded. “What did I tell ya, six month ago?”

“I have big brothers to fight off the monsters,” Jack replied robotically and tried to move away from the hand. “You can’t help when the monsters are in my head.”

“That’s the best place we can help ya, Jackie,” Bobby said softly and Jack’s head snapped up at the nickname that only Evelyn used on him. “We’re ya big brothers. We’re stronger than them. Don’t forget that.”

Jack lowered his eyes again, nodding slowly. He jumped as the cold dish towel touched his wrist and glanced up as Bobby ruffled his hair and said he’d do the dishes alone, as long as Jack kept him company. He did. He listened attentively as Bobby talked about hockey, in great length. That didn’t bother Jack, though as he was starting to find the gruff, Detroit-thick voice rather soothing, especially as hockey was something Bobby was clearly passionate about.

* * *

 

With a soft groan, Jack opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling of the hospital room. His head was pounding out some heavy metal tune and his mouth was dry as dust. He tried to sit up and hissed as his shoulder protested the movement. He really wished that would heal, as it was a huge inconvenience. He glanced over at the chair that was beside his bed, smiling as he saw Jeremiah in it. Though, he was curious as to why his brother was in the room. It wasn’t like he was still in the coma.

With a shake of his head, Jack reached for the cup of water and frowned as it moved back a couple of inches. Shaking his head and figuring he was seeing things, he moved forward and reached for it again. Once again, it moved out of his reach and fell to the floor. The water spilled out and splashed onto Jeremiah’s shoes, though he was still oblivious to it. He was asleep and Jack was surprised the noise didn’t wake him.

His eyes were drawn to a deep shadow by the door, which seemed to move. Jack blinked and tilted his head slightly. His eyes widened as the shadow stepped forward and took on the shape of his father. His mouth opened to scream, but no sound came out. His voice refused to work as his ankle was grabbed and he was yanked down the bed. His eyes filled with involuntary tears as he saw the sadistic smirk on his father’s face and the words that said he would live with him again, forever and ever.

Jack finally found his voice and screamed. He screamed the one name that seemed to bring him any comfort, especially as he felt hands on his shoulders, which he thrashed away from, continuing to scream for Bobby. He continued to scream for the brother he didn’t remember, but the one he knew would always be by his side if he needed anything.

The hands were back on his shoulder, shaking him. All he saw was his father’s taunting smirk, telling him that Bobby wasn’t there to save him, just as he hadn’t been there to protect him in the past. Jack refused to listen to his father’s words. He knew that Bobby would be there for him, simply because he was stronger than the nightmares. All of his brothers were stronger. So why was he still screaming for Bobby to save him? Why wasn’t he there?

“Open ya fuckin’ eyes, you little fairy,” Bobby ordered and Jack blinked, looking around the room.

Two nurses were standing behind Bobby, their faces filled with worry and Bobby was shaking his head, as though he couldn’t believe what just happened. Jack searched the corners and shadows, waiting for his father to step out and rip it away from him. However, Bobby grabbed his jaw and forced him to maintain eye contact, as though to prove he was real and that whatever just happened wouldn’t happen again.

“You focus on me, Jackie. Don’t think ’bout nothin’ else. You focus on _me_ ,” Bobby said and Jack nodded slowly, staring into the eyes of his oldest brother. He found that the stern gleam was relaxing him. “Nightmare?”

Again, Jack nodded slowly, trying to recall the memory he knew was just off to the side in his mind. Bobby had said something similar to him at one stage. He’d just dreamed of it and it was gone. He was growing annoyed with that and pulled his jaw free from Bobby’s strong grip. Bobby sighed softly and collapsed in the chair, rubbing his eyes with a hand, while one of the nurses left the room and the other made sure that Jack was fine with an unknown person in the room, which earned her a glare from Bobby.

“He’s my brother,” Jack snapped and glared at the nurse at well. The nurse raised an eyebrow, but checked his vitals, noting that his heartrate was returning to normal and left the room. “How long you been here for?”

“They called me at home ten minutes ago, sayin’ they couldn’t get ya to wake up from a night terror,” Bobby explained and Jack tilted his head. “It’s like half-two in the mornin’, man.”

Jack flinched and ran his left hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t think they’d call you in for a night terror,” he murmured and closed his eyes, feeling like hell for waking Bobby up and because he didn’t feel as though he slept.

“They probably wouldn’t’ve, if you hadn’t been _screamin’_ my name, as though I was the one that was torturin’ ya, somehow.” Bobby tilted his head back for a moment, inhaling deeply. He leveled his head and gazed at Jack with soft eyes. “Did you wanna talk ’bout it?”

_“We’re here for ya, Jackie. If you ever need to talk about them, don’t be scared. Okay?”_ He could hear Bobby’s voice so clearly saying those words, but for the life of him, he couldn’t think of when it happened. He couldn’t see Bobby’s face or where they were when they were said. He lowered his eyes, trying to bring the memory forward so he could remember _something_ about his oldest brother, aside from how gorgeous he looked when his hair was messed up from sleep and the fact that his jeans were barely done up.

With a frown, Jack looked at his left wrist. He could remember not eating dinner, because he had sprained it. He knew that someone had asked him if he was a vegetarian and he assumed it was Angel or Jeremiah, as their mouths moved in time with the words, but it was Bobby’s voice that came out. He did the dishes with Jeremiah that night and he had placed the dish towel of ice on his wrist.

“There a problem with ya hand?”

Jack blinked and looked at Bobby, feeling his body react to the gentle gaze on him. He quickly looked down at the blanket, fighting off the heat that was pooling in his groin. “Just remembering the time I sprained my wrist when I fell out of my bed.”

Bobby laughed and Jack tried not to flinch at the sound. “Fuck, I forgot about that,” he said as he calmed down and grinned at Jack. “Shit, you even have the same look on ya face as ya did that night.”

Jack’s eyes snapped to Bobby, confusion settling on his face. He saw the mirth disappear from Bobby’s eyes as he realized that Jack didn’t remember it was him in the kitchen with him that night. “I thought it was Jerry with me, doing the dishes.”

Bobby swallowed and set his jaw, settling back in the chair. “It doesn’t matter, ya little fairy. Just get some sleep, so I can as well.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack whispered and tugged at the blanket covering his legs. “I…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say to make his brother feel better about himself.

“It doesn’t matter, Cracker Jack.” Bobby tried to sound unaffected by the situation, but Jack picked up that he was hurt. He wasn’t as good as he thought he was when it came to hiding his emotions. “Get some sleep. I’ll keep the nightmares away.”

Jack watched as Bobby rested his temple on his knuckles, closing his eyes. He settled down on the bed and kept his head facing Bobby, scared that if he looked away his brother would disappear. He wondered if he had ever run to Bobby for his protection, but he didn’t want to ask. It was clear his brother was dead tired, but he’d shown up to protect Jack, even though he technically didn’t have to.

With a smile, Jack closed his eyes and hoped that tomorrow would be a better day, despite the one thought that kept running through his mind. _Who are you, Bobby Mercer?_ He doubted he’d ever get an answer for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for readin'! The next chapter should be up soon...ish. I didn't plan on this bein' a multi-chapter story, so the chapters will be a little slow.  
> If ya enjoyed it, be sure to leave a comment or a kudos!  
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.


	3. Chapter III

**~Heaven in His Eyes~**

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

 

* * *

With Jack’s scream of his name still ringing in his ears, Bobby opened his eyes. He looked at the bed in front of him and found that Jack had fallen asleep facing him. He looked over his shoulder when the door opened and saw Jeremiah and Camille standing there, staring at him. Bobby nodded at them and got to his feet, stretching out his back. It had been years since he last slept in a chair, beside a brother’s bed.

Camille hugged Bobby as he approached the door, which made Bobby freeze, raise an eyebrow and demand answers from Jeremiah silently. Jeremiah shrugged and Camille released him, giving him a small smile. She said she would take his place, so Jack could wake up to a familiar face. Bobby nodded and expected Jeremiah to follow her in, though he was surprised when his little brother followed him to the cafeteria so he could grab a coffee, but didn’t show it.

Bobby got his coffee and sat down at an empty table, ignoring the food that Jeremiah pushed towards him. He didn’t have any kind of appetite after learning that one of the first times he was there for Jack, he thought it was Jeremiah. He knew he couldn’t blame Jack or Jerry for it, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to blame himself for something that was out of his control. He sighed and poured most of the sugar container into his cup, stirring it slowly and looking out the windows that showed a grassy area.

“The doc called me this morning, letting me know that Jack had a night terror earlier. He wanted to know if there was a reason he’d scream your name,” Jeremiah said softly, as though speaking any louder would disrupt the peace. “I told him it was the same reason I screamed ya name when I had night terrors.”

Bobby closed his eyes momentarily and sighed. He opened them and saw that the sky was gray, instead of blue. He drank his coffee, trying to ignore the memories that were crashing into his mind. He’d forgotten that Jeremiah and Angel had screamed for him at night. He figured that was because it happened fifteen years ago, while Jack was more recent than them.

However, Jack never made a sound during his nightmares and night terrors. Bobby knew that because he often had to check on him, just to make sure he was still breathing. Jack was always a quiet kid and always suffered in silence, not wanting to be a burden to anyone else. He’d peek into Jack’s room on his way to the bathroom in the middle of the night and find Jack sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into space.

Bobby found himself wishing Ma was still alive, since she’d know how to handle the situation. He couldn’t walk in there and beat the memories into Jack, like he wanted to. He could feel Jeremiah’s eyes on him, waiting for him to react more than just a sigh. What could he do? Break down and cry about how much it pained him that the light of his life didn’t remember him? He didn’t have that luxury. He’s the oldest Mercer and he had to be strong for his brothers.

Jeremiah gave a bittersweet half-smile. “I actually forgot that I had night terrors, until this mornin’ when the doc mentioned Jack’s. Seems like somethin’ weird to forget, right?” He studied Bobby’s face, seeing that it was completely blank, even his eyes were dead. All of them knew what the toll was on Bobby, especially when he thought he’d lost Jack. He and Angel weren’t blind; they saw what Jack meant to Bobby and what Bobby used to mean to Jack.

Bobby finished his coffee and sat back, slouching in the chair and refusing to look at his younger brother. He had no idea what Jeremiah wanted from him. He was there because the nurses thought it would be best to have the person Jack was screaming for show up. As much as he wanted to ignore the phone ringing at two in the morning, he knew he couldn’t. He had to make sure he was there for his brothers, regardless on if they remembered him or not.

“Y’know, when Jack was in his coma, I pulled out the photo album Ma put together for me, when I finally moved out. She didn’t want me to ever forget my family, like I could.” Jeremiah pulled one of the photos from his pocket and placed it on the table. Bobby ignored it. “I went through each and every photo and I told Camille what every occasion was. I remembered when she took every picture, man. I remember _all_ of them.”

Bobby finally glanced at the picture and immediately looked away. It was the first Christmas all five of them spent together; the first year Jack arrived. Evelyn had gotten Jack a pair of skates for that Christmas, while Bobby got him the stick. Angel got Jack his first studded belt and Jeremiah got him a black hoodie that he practically lived in for the next seven years of his life. All of them had those memories, except Jack’s were fragmented. He’d probably remember everything about that day, except where Bobby was.

“I remember how scared Jack was, when he first arrived. I remember how you shoved Angel into the role of big brother, even though he didn’t want to be.” Jeremiah grinned and sipped his coffee, thinking back to how jealous of Jack Angel had been, as he wasn’t ready to stop being the baby of the family. However, once Angel realized that Jack needed three big brothers, he quickly and easily fell into that role. “This is also the first time that Jack actually smiled in a picture taken, until I noticed a pattern.”

Bobby frowned. Once Jack realized that his past wasn’t going to take him away or break him, he was actually a happy kid. He loved to smile, especially when he was being taught to cook. Bobby always knew that Jack was going to be an expressive kid, as he couldn’t hide his fear, even if he wanted to. It made for easy jokes at his expense, which would eventually lead to him being hurt, something Bobby never wanted to. It was his God given right, though, as a big brother.

“Y’know, it’s kinda strange, man,” Jeremiah continued on, deciding that if Bobby wasn’t going to react, he’d force one from him. “I don’t have that many memories when it was just me and you or when Angel joined us. It’s like all of my memories started being captured when Jack came into the house. I dunno, I guess it’s like he completed us or somethin’.”

Bobby forced back the tightness that was beginning to constrict his chest. He had every memory of when he was the only Mercer boy. He remembered when Jeremiah was brought into the house. He’d never forget when Angel was brought home. He remembered teaching both of them how to skate and giving them their love for hockey, which seemed to peter out a little as they got older. He remembered how angry Jeremiah was with him when he burned down his tree house and made him watch. He remembered each person he had to kill in order to keep his brothers safe.

He heard Jeremiah place another three photographs on the table, but he refused to look at them. They were all memories _he_ had, but ones that were broken to Jack. All he wanted was to have his little brother back, his Jackie, his fuckin’ fairy. The memories and pictures might be something for Angel and Jeremiah to enjoy looking at, but they weren’t the ones forgotten by the youngest Mercer brother. They weren’t the ones that saw the spark of life leave Jack’s lively eyes. They weren’t the ones that had to deal with the blank or confused expressions as he talked about memories.

“I know it don’t mean shit to you, man, but it’s killin’ Jack that he can’t remember ya.” Jeremiah kept the smirk from his face as Bobby glared at him. That was the reaction he wanted. He knew that Bobby cared how much it hurt Jack. He and Angel knew how much it killed both of them that there was something that violence couldn’t fix. He held up the photo of Jack’s first Halloween with them. “When Jack was with us, it was the _only_ time we ever brought the cops home on Halloween, man. When it was just the three of us, we did the usual Devil’s Night bullshit, especially when you talked us into it…What _is_ your fascination with burnin’ shit?”

Bobby stared at the photo. Jack was dressed in Bobby’s Red Wings jersey, pretending to be a profession hockey player. He looked so happy as he stood beside his older brothers. Angel had agreed to take Jack door to door for two hours, before the three of them dropped him off home and headed to a party. It hadn’t gone that way, of course. They were momentarily distracted and Jack was lured into a house, which ended quickly as Bobby had broken the door off the hinges and pounded the guy nearly to death in front of his girlfriend and her friends, who had called the cops on him.

Ma hadn’t been too pleased to have the police show up on her stoop, especially when she saw the state her sons were in, as they’d all taken to kicking the shit out the guy and his friends. Bobby still didn’t understand how no one in the house would think it weird that some college guy was inviting an eleven year old into the house. Since that year, Bobby refused to be more than a foot from Jack whenever he went to someone’s door.

Bobby looked down at the other photos and frowned at one in particular. He picked it up. Jack was laughing, a hand in the back pocket of his jeans as he pointed at Jeremiah in his first tweed suit, while Bobby was draped over Jack, laughing just as hard. He remembered that day so clearly, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember Ma ever taking that picture. He quickly found out why, as he saw her standing just behind Jeremiah, who was looking proud of his suit. She had a gentle smile on her face, but she wasn’t looking at Jeremiah. Her eyes were on focused on him and Jack.

He remembered that day. He picked up the other photo. Jack couldn’t have been any older than fourteen in it, as he sat on the sofa beside Bobby. Both had their arms on their knees and Jack was smiling at him, almost shyly while Bobby grinned about something. Jeremiah was on Jack’s left, sitting back and Bobby could see him shaking his head. That was the day that Bobby told them he was trying out for the league.

The warm feeling he received from those photos disappeared and Bobby dropped them to the table, gazing at Jeremiah with cold indifference. He also remembered the day he left without saying a thing to Jack or to Ma or to anyone else. He could be grateful for small miracles, since Jack would never remember that day and he would never remember the way Bobby had fled from his problems.

Jeremiah had watched the emotions play over Bobby’s face, the way they danced through his eyes. He knew all the memories would be bittersweet, especially the ones that had Ma in them. “We don’t know why ya left, man and we don’t care why ya did. But Jack needs ya more than ever before. When ya left the way ya did, it destroyed him. I was in the union and a year later, Angel enlisted. Ma was busy with work and the one person he thought he could count on wanted nothin’ to do with him.” He inhaled deeply, thinking back to the broken teen that Jack had been when the family fractured. “Don’t break him this time, Bobby. He needs you.”

Bobby lowered his eyes to the table, making sure not to look at the photos, before he glared at the window. He knew that his leaving would break Jack, but he had also used the excuse of the league to get out of not calling or visiting. When he did call, he made sure that Jack wasn’t there. If he heard Jack’s voice, he just muttered something in a different accent and would hang up. It had been so easy to lock Jack out of his life back then, but he also knew that Jeremiah was right.

Jack needed his big brothers to help make him whole again, which just made everything more difficult. Bobby nodded and stood up, saying he was heading home to check something out. He wanted to see if Jack brought any of the pictures from his photo album. Ma had made one for all of them, as though she thought that somehow they’d all forget their family.

Bobby hadn’t thought it was possible, he realized as he walked out of the hospital and went to his car. He didn’t think any of them would ever forget where they came from or who was there to save them. In a way, he was right. Jack hadn’t forgotten where he came from or who had saved him. Evelyn Mercer was the person that saved him. Bobby was just the brother that showed Jack how violent the world could be, even with family. He hadn’t saved his baby brother.

_Here’s your chance to save him now,_ Ma’s voice whispered through his mind. Bobby opened the door to his car and paused, looking up at the fifth floor that Jack was on. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it that way, before. He did have a chance to save his baby brother and he would be damned if he was going to lose it.

* * *

 

Jack sighed as the door closed and rested against his pillows. To say he was disappointed when he opened his eyes and saw Camille in the chair would be an understatement. Camille told him that Bobby had gone to get a coffee with Jeremiah, as he needed to talk to his big brother. Jack had been curious on what seemed so important that Jeremiah would take Bobby away from him, but he got the feeling that Camille wouldn’t know what the Mercer boys spoke about.

While he waited for Bobby to return, Camille had spoken to him about Daniela and Amelia, which always made Jack smile. She had shown him a photo of the girls in their gymnastics leotards and he had to grin at how adorable they looked, especially with the pink and white bows in their hair. Apparently, Daniela was doing a lot better than any of them thought she would, as she had been bumped into the year ahead of her. If there was anything he knew about the Mercer family it was that they were determined, in whatever they applied themselves to.

Camille had hesitantly handed over a photo to him and Jack frowned, taking it and looking at it. In it, he was around eleven or twelve. All four of them were in the living room, Bobby sitting in the center of the sofa with Jeremiah on his right and Angel on his left. Jack was sitting on the floor, between Bobby’s legs, while Bobby was leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Jack’s shoulders, as Jeremiah and Angel each ruffled Jack’s hair. He remembered the day it was taken and he was definitely twelve. It was the day he got into the band at school.

The problem was that he couldn’t remember Bobby being there, despite the photographic evidence of it. He had to ask himself why he was sitting on the floor if there was a spot on the sofa. He had to ask himself why he got a secure and warm feeling when he thought about it. Seeing the way Bobby held him told him why he got that feeling, but the memory of Jeremiah and Angel ruffling his hair as Mom took the picture wasn’t matching up.

He cried out as a searing pain rushed to his head. He closed his eyes and saw his thirteenth birthday, which were just him and his family. He frowned as he saw Jeremiah and Angel giving him gifts, but there was a misty outline of someone holding something. Jack had been hesitant to take it, because he knew it was a CD and he wasn’t sure if the person giving it to him would know his taste in music, which was generally rock and especially rock ballads.

The image became clearer and he saw that it was Bobby giving him the CD, which had a giant pink bow on it and the cheeky smirk on his face. Jack had opened it last, wanting to see what new clothing Jeremiah and Angel had gotten him. He received his wallet chain from Angel and a new hoodie from Jeremiah. The memory was fading as Jack began opening the gift from Bobby and eventually disappeared, just before he saw the title of the CD.

Opening his eyes, Jack panted and realized he was hunched over, hands on his head and that there were tears on the photograph. He slowly straightened and swallowed, grabbing the cup of water on the table. He drank the contents quickly and looked over at Camille. She was watching him, concern etched on her face, as though she wanted to the okay to call the doctors or to heave a sigh of relief. Jack smiled at her and her shoulders slumped with relief.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and saw the glare she shot him about apologizing. “I just…I think it was a memory. I think…I think I remembered Bobby giving me a present for my thirteenth birthday.”

As Camille gushed about how good that was, Jack just stared at the photo that was still on his lap. Bobby really was his brother, he suddenly thought. So why was there more than just a brotherly love and affection for him, as it wasn’t present for Angel and Jeremiah? There was something about Bobby that made Jack feel secure and loved, but also made him feel _safe_. That was the important thing.

In the photo, Bobby wasn’t restraining him so Angel and Jeremiah could mess up his hair. In fact, Jack didn’t feel the need to stop them, despite loving his hair and wanting it look perfect. In fact, Bobby didn’t need to touch him at all, yet he was. He needed answers and he wasn’t sure who he could turn to, since Camille probably wasn’t aware of what they were like before they fragmented off to live their on their own.

“What…was he like?” Jack finally asked and looked up. He could see that Camille knew who he was talking about, as it was the only person he ever spoke about.

Camille pursed her lips slightly as she looked down, clearly searching for the right words to describe the oldest Mercer brother. “I don’t know him very well, but from what Jerry’s told me, I know he loves his family fiercely. While Jerry didn’t go into detail, I know there isn’t anything Bobby wouldn’t do to keep his family safe. Bobby is the kind of person that will always protect what he’s been told to protect.”

Jack looked down at the photo as Camille spoke. Her last words repeated in his mind as he stared at the neutral face Bobby had on for the picture. His eyes were dancing, though. Back then, all Bobby had to protect Jack from was bullies. Jack wasn’t really all that wild in his teenage years, _especially_ when Bobby left. He froze and looked up, staring at the wall. How did he know Bobby left?

_Why did Bobby leave?_ It was a question he felt was already answered. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he told himself that he’d done something to make Bobby leave. He tried to bring up what it was, but he was drawing a strong blank on it. All he remembered was being injured the day before he discovered Bobby gone. He had messed up badly and it was enough for Bobby to remove every personal possession he had in the house and never return.

When Camille left, Jack was left alone with his thoughts and the fact that he’d done something really bad. He knew that Angel had enlisted in the marines and that Jeremiah was fighting on his union work. Neither of them knew why Bobby had left or if they did, they wouldn’t say why. It was infuriating Jack that he couldn’t remember the basics of his life. It fell to his brothers and Bobby to fill in those blanks and the most important blank couldn’t be filled by anyone, except Bobby and Jack got the feeling that he wouldn’t answer it.

Despite the rest he got, Jack wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep again. However, before he could do that, the door to his room opened. He figured it was Angel and Sofi and as much as he loved seeing them, he really didn’t want to take another walk down memory lane. He really didn’t want to think about the gaps in his memory, which only revolved around Bobby. In fact, he didn’t want to think about Bobby at all, as it just left him feeling depressed and angry.

Unfortunately, he knew the body that stood in the door, talking quietly with a doctor. The outline belonged to none other than Bobby, which slapped Jack with the depression of not knowing his oldest brother and the anger he felt towards himself for not knowing him. He had no idea why Bobby would be there, considering he left before he woke. Jack assumed he didn’t want to spend time with him, unless he absolutely had to, like that morning.

Bobby nodded at something the doctor said and entered the room, not bothering to close the door. He approached the bed and Jack tilted his head slightly, curious on what Bobby wanted from him. He only had that one memory come back to him and he had no idea what the CD was, but something told him it was a favorite of his and that he listened to it constantly, despite not usually listening to the band.

Jack looked at his legs. How did he know it was a band and not a singer? He blinked and stared at the photo album that had ‘Jack’s Memories’ written on it. He smiled, unable to believe he forgot to take that with him when he left home. He hadn’t been strong enough to look at it when they got back, either. He was having a hard time keeping his emotions under control when he entered his bedroom and saw that it was the same. He only took a handful of pictures of home with him and they were the ones he took  of his family.

“Jerry reminded me that we all have one. I found yours while I was fixin’ up ya bedroom and figured you’d get more use out of it here than at home.” Bobby hovered awkwardly for a few moments by the side of the bed and Jack frowned, looking up at him. Something was bothering him. “The doc says that you can go home tomorrow, if ya want. Angel and Sofi are there, so you wouldn’t be alone…with me or anythin’ like that.”

Jack lowered his eyes, thinking about home. He wanted to get back there, so he could sleep in his bed. He hadn’t tested his leg that much, so he wasn’t sure how he’d handle the walk up and down the stairs on a daily basis. He glanced up at Bobby and nodded. He wanted to get out of the hospital quickly and prayed that going home would jumpstart his lost memories. Being in the house that meant so much to them had to be a good thing. He dropped his eyes back to the album on his lap and Bobby left the room, saying he would be back tomorrow morning to collect him.

He barely nodded to indicate that he heard. His eyes were fixated on the album in front of him and he quickly realized that his hands were shaking. How many memories were in there? How many blank spots did he have in those memories?

Swallowing, Jack opened the album and saw that the first five photos were of him and Evelyn. A sharp pain hit his chest and he choked back a sob. The very first picture was the very first time he met Evelyn. She was sitting beside him at a small table that had building blocks and a coloring book open on it. Evelyn was the one person that didn’t frighten Jack when he was young. She had been warm and gentle and soothing with her words, voice and touches. She gave him hope, even in the social worker’s office.

With a deep breath, he turned the page and looked at his memories. There was a picture of him and Angel with their backpacks on and getting ready for Jack’s first day in a new school. Angel had Jack in a headlock, which made him laugh. He remembered that so clearly that he could almost feel the accidental bruising that Angel gave him around his neck. Angel wasn’t used to someone as pale as Jack and didn’t realize that he’d bruise like a peach.

The opposite page was when the blank spots started. He stared at the picture of him and Bobby on the living room sofa. Bobby was sitting forward, elbows on his knees, a beer bottle in one hand while the other moved, as though he was explaining something. He had a smile on his face and Jack was grinning beside him, looking moments from bursting out laughing. He was eleven when the picture was taken. That much he remembered about the photo.

The next one with him and Bobby was the same year, except it must have been during summer break. Jack was in a short sleeved shirt, staring at the TV and Bobby appeared as though he just came home from a construction job, judging by the clothing he wore. He had a can of soda pressed to his forehead with his eyes closed. The only thing Jack remembered about that moment was that he had the TV muted, because someone in the house was nursing a hangover. He assumed it was Angel, despite Angel only being fourteen at the time.

The next few pages were of him with Angel or Jeremiah or both. He flipped through the pages, until he found another photo that had Bobby in it. He never realized how camera happy Evelyn was when it came to her boys, as there were a dozen or so pictures each year. He found pictures from his twelfth birthday, including one of him hugging each of his brothers, even Bobby. The oldest Mercer boy had a smirk on his face, but he didn’t return the hug, unlike Angel and Jeremiah.

He found the picture of them in the living room, but unlike the photo Camille had handed him, there was no memory that came forth. Every time he thought about when the pictures were taken, he couldn’t see Bobby in the room. He couldn’t see him anywhere, despite what the pictures were telling him.

As he continued to look through the pages, he grew increasing frustrated that no more memories were coming forward. There was a huge part of him missing and nothing could make it better. He snapped the book shut and threw it at the wall, glaring for a few moments, before he closed his eyes and felt tears fall down his cheeks. He was tired of being lost. He was tired of feeling alone, despite having three brothers that cared deeply about him. None of them could fix him.

He sniffled and opened his eyes, surprised to see Bobby picking up the book and placing it on the bedside table. He suddenly realized that he didn’t remember Bobby leaving the room. He hadn’t heard the door close. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, feeling a little stiffness in his right shoulder, but he didn’t care about that. All he wanted to do was remember Bobby and get back the relationship he was missing from his brother. All he wanted was to have his oldest brother back.

“You shouldn’t force it, Jackie,” Bobby said quietly and sat on the chair. He sat forward, elbows on his knees and his head down. Jack stared at him, desperately scrabbling after an image of him doing the same thing while in the house. Unfortunately, it flitted by too quickly and he was left feeling hollow. “The doc says it’ll come back with time.”

Jack sighed and shook his head, throwing back the blankets. He sat on the edge of the bed, ignoring the way Bobby frowned at his actions. He didn’t even know what he was doing. He was tired of being in that bed, having some stranger help him with his leg while he lied there, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore the fact that someone he didn’t know what was touching him. He raised his eyes and stared at Bobby.

“I’m tired of walking through shadows, Bobby. I’m tired of seeing the hurt on your face because I don’t remember you. I’m tired of trying to remember, but getting nothing. Most of all, I’m fuckin’ tired of not knowing you or remembering you. I want my _life_ back! You fought the hardest to have me live and all I’ve done to thank you is forget you. I wanna go home today.”

Bobby stared at him, his face blank during the entire rant. Jack wasn’t going to lie, that hurt more than he thought it would. He expected to see something in Bobby’s eyes. Instead, his oldest brother just stared at him, as though he was waiting for something else to be said. Jack didn’t know what to say to him to make him understand how much it sucked. He knew that none of them would ever truly understand what he was going through, but they were all trying to help him through it the best way they knew how.

Somehow, he got the feeling that Bobby was restraining himself from helping Jack the way he knew how. Somehow, he knew that Bobby’s methods generally included violence of some description. He frowned as he saw Angel and a fuzzy outline walking toward to him. They emerged from the snow and if he squinted, he could make out a car that was overturned. Bobby had the same blank expression on his face; he noticed as the fuzzy silhouette got sharper and came into focus. He wasn’t out with Angel the night the shooters were killed. Bobby was there, as well.

“Your life,” Bobby began as he sat back and continued to look at Jack with the same blank expression. “Involves you goin’ back to New York. It involves you leavin’ us. It involves you not talkin’ to us. It involves you throwin’ everythin’ that _ever_ cared about you into the wind and not givin’ a damn.”

Jack tried not to flinch at the hurt and anger that were in the words. Once again, Bobby’s face was carefully guarded as he spoke, but he couldn’t keep the emotions from his voice. Bobby was always the one that stepped up to the plate whenever something went bad. He knew that much about his oldest brother. Angel and Jeremiah didn’t tell him much about what Bobby had done for them, but they both knew that Bobby had killed for them. They both knew that Bobby had gone to prison for them.

Bobby was the hothead of the family, which only made Jack curious now. Why was he being so careful around his little brother? Did he not want to show that Jack leaving hurt him badly? Or was it because he didn’t want the family to fracture again, now that they were all together after so long? Jack had no idea what was going on inside of Bobby Mercer’s head and honestly, he wondered if anyone ever knew. Bobby was the mystery of the family. He killed and fought in the Mercer name, but he never really showed what he was feeling or thinking to anyone…except Evelyn.

Jack focused on the last words that Bobby said where the hurt and anger had truly seeped into the words. He never thought that. He _had_ forgotten to take the entire photo album with him, but that was because he didn’t want to explain his family to anyone. He knew that the entire world wouldn’t understand the bond they had. He knew his band members had no idea what he saw in his family, given the five photos he did take were portraits of his family. He had tried to explain what they were like, only to receive blank stares, especially when he mentioned how violent they were. For some reason, no one seemed to realize that they were only violent because that was a lot of testosterone to have in one house.

“I did and I fuckin’ do give a damn about my family, Bobby. I’ve always spoken about my family with pride and respect and love, man! I might not re…” Jack trailed off as he thought back to when he left. He had been seventeen and he knew that there was nothing left for him in that house. Not even Evelyn could keep him happy, anymore. He had no idea what changed, but he remembered spending two years fighting some depression that took hold of him. Four years later, he was called back home by Jeremiah and Mom’s funeral.

Bobby had sat up straighter when Jack stopped. “You don’t remember why you left?” he asked for clarification and got to his feet when Jack couldn’t meet his eyes. “How the fuck can you not remember why you _left_ , Jack? You left to pursue your music, you little fairy! That’s the—Wait, if you can’t remember _why_ you left, then that means it had somethin’ to do with me.”

Jack gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to think that the reason why he didn’t remember, but he couldn’t deny that it made sense. “Were you always this arrogant, Bobby? I mean, yeah, I don’t remember shit about ya and what I _do_ remember, you weren’t this cocky. You think that everything in my life revolves around _you_?”

“Jesus fuck, Jack! Calm down, would ya?” Bobby fought the urge to roll his eyes at the outburst, but sat back and regarded Jack calmly. “Everythin’ else about your memory when it comes to me is a blank. If ya can’t remember why ya left, _clearly_ it had somethin’ to do with me.” He glanced at the photo album and then smirked, suddenly looking like the man that was in the photographs. “And yeah, I’ve always been this arrogant. It’s a little upsettin’ to know that ya don’t remember at least _that_ about me.”

Jack nodded slowly and slipped to his feet, which felt tender on the floor. He took a few limping steps and realized that his left leg was much weaker than it should be. Of course, it did take most of the damage, but it made him extremely upset. _I won’t be able to play hockey with them until it heals_ , he realized and his eyes lit up. He remembered playing hockey with his brothers! He thought back to the first memory of hockey that came to mind and his shoulders slumped as it was when he was thirteen. The pickup game that he remembered attending and hearing Bobby’s voice at.

“Why is this so important to ya, Jack? Everyone forgets some things at some point in their life, man.” Bobby watched as Jack limped the length of the bed, pausing only when Bobby spoke. “It’s a part of life. Not everyone is gonna remember everythin’. Ya gotta stop bein’ so hard on yaself, man.”

Jack stood in front of Bobby and stared down at him, deciding to bite the bullet. “Wanna know what else I’m tired of? I’m tired of not knowin’ _you_ , Bobby. I _need_ you back, because clearly, you had some kind of huge impact on my life.” He picked up the album. “There’s so many pictures of me with you in here and I remember _nothing_ of them!” He closed eyes and leaned on the bed, feeling lightheaded. He opened them and glared at his brother. “I’m tired of loving you and not knowing why I do.”

Bobby cocked an eyebrow. “Somewhere, in the back of ya mind, ya know I’m your brother, Jackie. That’s why ya love me, man. And honestly, I’m kinda glad that at least some part of ya remembers that, even if you don’t know why. I’ll take anythin’ I can, when it comes to this bullshit.”

Jack dropped the album on the bed and sat on the edge, gazing at Bobby. He wanted to ask the question, but he had no idea how Bobby would react to it. He knew he’d done something to make Bobby leave his childhood home and never return, until he was forced back. How could he ask his brother to relive something like that? Why would he put that on anyone?

Running his tongue over his lower lip, Jack decided to go for it. Bobby would only ever see his love as brotherly and he would take what he could. He watched Bobby’s face when the next words tumbled out of his mouth, wanting to catch every twitch and every expression. “Why did you leave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this wasn't meant to be multi-chapter, but I gotta keep the fans happy, right? If ya enjoyed it, be sure to drop a comment or leave a kudos! Heart.  
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.

**Author's Note:**

> Due to a couple of reviewers on a different site wanting a continuation, I decided to go with it.
> 
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.


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